I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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