Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
