You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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