Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
