Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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