Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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