what day is it and did you see me today?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
