i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
