The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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