so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
