I think I won the penis lottery.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
