its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
