she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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