and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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