He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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