Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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