How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
