I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
