Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
