I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
bring money and cleavage
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
