yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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