Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
