In the future we'll all be gay
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
