I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
