Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Randomize
