So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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