i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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