i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
