I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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