like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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