My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
