1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
being pregnant is like rehab
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
