My hand turned me down
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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