oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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