I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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