Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
