waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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