If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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