I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
