my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
