How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I want to be your penis for a week.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
