Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
