you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
