Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
