Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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