if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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