i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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