$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
