barbara walters just said penis...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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