Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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