so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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