can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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