That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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